So Sick of This Feeling

It's all cyclical. It's all relative.

I've been here before looking over there, but you were standing in the corner and I was on the ground, now we're back there again and I don't have any of the answers that you found.

Words fall out of everyones mouths like heavy bags. You sit, I stand, please don't turn into me, because I will always change when you're not around.

Some thoughts on the late and things of the like:

Hitting people is rude.

Everyone I trust is entirely untrustworthy.

I'm paying attention to the wrong things.

Stop asking me questions and tell me something I want to hear.

Stand Still, because we're missing everything.

I think you look silly when you lie.

It works if you work it.

Make of it what you will, Sunshine.

xx

CMS

When It's All Over I'll Let You Know

So we woke up on Saturday to

This

(which if you need clarification was a rehearsal for the senior citizen talent show that was part of the street fair that shut down 8th avenue)

And Molly Joy Joined us.

Then Mariel and I were taken on our first unsuccessful round of apartment hunting, which was followed today by round two of bad locations, awkward smells and prick-esque brokers who by far underestimate our real-estate savvy.

We'll find our Versailles soon enough though....

Anyways... after the fair we went to visit the rat in the wheel at Marc Jacobs Kids in Soho (why do we always find ourselves there despite how much we loathe the area) 

This is the Rat.

and then we noticed the best part, being the baby who clearly saw the stupidity in the whole senario

And this is what Manhattan has been looking like recently, which has been a sort of Southern Comfort that doesn't come out of a bottle.

and weather like this just kind of makes me want to be naked

Or dress like Dita

So school is winding down, and I think it's probably obvious that my head's in some sort of checked out wolly-wolly land, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

I think New Yorkers are just now starting to get their spirits back after the 

long winter

So be kids and go play!

I want to have picnics on rooftops and long talks in warm parks.

xx

CS

p.s.

this is a present of my dearest Sophia, because she is the only person who would ever appreciate this as much as I do.

Fridays are now days for Soho walks and girly talks à la Mariel et Chloë

and don't you wish that smoking cigarettes was still glamorous?

Because I do.

You get your cancer your way, I'll get it my way. Story of my life.

This is my HomeStretch

Everyday when i'm walking this is the point where taking a cab would just be too pathetic to even consider. (even though when i'm walking the thought is always on my mind)

And I will miss it fondly soon.

STAY REAL. PLEASE.

xx

CMS

Right Now New York looks kinda like this

But Summer's just around the corner and hopefully it will look like this

My new quest is to find one of these

And this

Which probably means thrifting in Brooklyn this weekend. Which I should not be talking about, seeing as it's only Monday, and this week is going to kick my ass. And I should probably be writing papers right now on "culture as a social construct that has been racialized" or whatever that means.

And all of this stress is making me miss one of my top 5 favorite holidays. This year 420 kind of feels like this

All I want to do right now is watch Natural Born Killers, because true love to me looks like this

But I guess I'll get back to my homework. Or will I spend hours looking for apartments online now that I am excited about my roommate situation. (the latter)

Peace Creeps,

xx

CMS

Good Vibrations

Oh Hey There,

So first things first, I'm sorry for taunting you all and turning out to be an irresponsible blogger. Désolé. I promise to be more frequent.

So it's looking like moving to 3F was a kick ass decision. I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore, it's more like floating now. I dig it. And Mitch and I have begun a new tradition called Southern Tuesdays

(more catchy name coming soon) which began as us watching True Blood and clinking our 40's at every quintessential southern moment, and has just turned into a weekly adventure with one of my favorite fellow southerners trapped in the grittygrimeyhustlebustle.

More good news: 

so remember that trip to New Orleans I was talking about taking. I took it. And got a reckless endangerment ticket for going 100mph. (oopsie daisy) But my dad is badass as always and talked Alabama out of making me come to court on the 29th and suspending my license (even though I probably shouldn't have one anyways... but don't tell anyone I said that)

At least NYC has an excellent public transit system, of which I am a frequent user.

Oh and I signed up for my classes for next semester:

Mondays and Wednesdays: 

Classical Social Thought 10-11:40a.m.

    Planning the Sustainable City 2-3:40p.m.

Understanding Inequality 4-5:40p.m

Tuesdays and Thursdays: 

12-1:40p.m. Literary Foundations

2-3:40p.m. Fundamentals in Cognition

And once I get my Parsons ducks in a row, I'm probably gonna get down with some Communication Design classes.

Trying to keep my head in the game even though part of me wants to move to Spain and the other part wants to be a bounty hunter, or a brothel madam. But all who wander are not lost, I know I'll find just where I'm supposed to be. It always seems to work out that way.

Speaking of which I really need to find an apartment for next semester. I have a dream that it will look like this

But I also wish that people dressed like they did in Marie Antoinette's France. So for now I will just keep to buying corsets from vintage stores and looking on craigslist for a humble abode on lower east side or wherever else the budget will allow.

I should probably get back to my all-nighter of coffee from Chelsea Food Mart and all of the things I've been putting off for the past few weeks. 

But I'll leave you with a few things to munch on.

This

has been my walking soundtrack recently, and if you like radiohead it's pretty rad. check it out.

Oh and me and Mariel are bringing back the sparkle flat, if it ever even left

as we hit the streets together more often.

Goodnight and Good luck.

CMS

A Long List of Grievances

So I've been back in New York for almost two weeks now and I return to Nashville/road trip it to New Orleans, a week from today, and I could not be more relieved. 

I have my own room now. Which i turned into a cave. Which suits my current circumstances.

I know I've been worrying a lot of people recently, worrying them a lot, (a lot a lot) and I am very grateful for all of the incendiary people in my life who care (thank the lord for Ryan Poteet. You are an amazing friend and a beautiful person and I'm sorry for trying your patience.) On the other hand, some people have been gravely disappointing, but I unfortunately have come to expect people to disappoint me and be surprised when they don't.  But, I guess it's better to fall into hell every once in a while and see who's still standing next to you, than ice skate forever with fair weather friends.

Issue number 2 with the world:

Dear young adults just now trying to find your place in the world...

there is more to life than ending up on the latest photoblog. there is more to life than witty little theme parties. there is more to life than mediocre clubs with nothing really going for them other than washed up 30 year olds who let 18 year olds into the v.i.p section so that they can keep feeling young.  

For the sake of not being a hypocrite lemme give you a little  context for my rant.

I am sick and tired of finding out that people that I thought were genuine, passionate and vibrant human beings, were actually social climbing little snakes slithering there way up from the trannies at rush to the free bottles at le royale.

it's sad really. really sad. 

And I understand the lure of pretty faced and feathered internet whores laughing along with you to the beats of badly remixed pop hits, but Come On Guys.

I've gone through cycles of kicking off and dropping out for a while, but I always end up back here with these same feelings towards certain people.

Try getting really faded and mischievously roam the boroughs of this fair city with some quality people, it's some of the best fun i can remember having since we used to get drunk at p lot and dance on our cars.

So listen you scoundrels, going out is something I do every night too when I'm not drowning in a sea of work, but I would rather sit around and listen to records and drink wine with souls blazing, getting to the point where we're willing to take our clothes off and cover ourselves in glitter, than sit in a club full of delusional wannabe socialites, escaping their sad realities, any day.

But at the end of any day, to each his own, and as long as you are happy, do your thing boo, but don't forget to make sure you're satisfied.

and remember 

Karma is a Bitch My Dears.  

Another note on being genuine:

If you're not, please refrain from talking to me.  I am so over wannabe Lux Interior, charm me with violence and sugar coat me with danger people(boys).

get over yourselves.

s'il vous plait.

And to a note to a few others:

Quit causing drama. No one's interested.

Take your pills and shut the fuck up.

Please.

I just want to go back here

  

So yea,

I don't really know what my point is. But people have been getting on me about not blogging, so look at me go, i'm blogging!

Ummm...

constructive things....

I filled this out and it was incredibly eye opening, it might be for you too.

And if you haven't yet, you should really go to the Frick museum on 70th and 5th. Molly and I ventured uptown after a bowl of cereal, and I have never been so pleasantly surprised by a stuffy place that looks at me like I'm going to steal/break things.

I saw three Turners.

He's one of my favorites.

Three!

Like this

BANG

BANG

BANG

Now didn't that feel good?

Alright. I'm out. I have papers to write about anthropology of Cherokee Indians and the use of psychedelic drugs in communal living. Thanks Eugene Lang for not making me take real classes.

Oh and this explains pretty much everything

anyone want to start a band?

xx

CMS

Elephant Gun

To me this is present and past. Now and Then. Today Tomorrow. I call both home. Some say that's a Freudian Slip. I'm not really sure yet what it means.

One of these places warms my heart and the other excites my cells.

I don't know which I prefer.

To you there may be no competition, you've got your mind made up, badgoodbad, 

I on the other am stretch armstrong. which one of you can pull harder.

At the end of the day I know though, with special thanks to the kind and wise words of a dear, instant, and forever friend Scott Bunner, there should be no pulling.  There can only be the gentle nudging of the intuition of my mind that for once thinks of no one else and does what is right for me.

There is no selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself.

There are friends and families and classes and houses and roommates. A life had and a life forming in front of my eyes.

I leave New York tomorrow to slip back down to the sleepy south and let mama jackie and papa rj calm my racing heart and speeding thoughts to find clarity.

I will return to the city on wednesday. Either alone. In which case that means I am staying. Or with mama. In which case I am packing up shop and turning out the lights.

No matter what, some will be disappointed, and some will be elated.

But in the end, I am young, so young.

and have come too far to throw it all away on a hazy dream, or cheap drugs, or whipping cars, or tall trees.

I guess my point is that I apologize to those of you who do not understand, or will be angered by whichever decision I make. And to those of you who are finding yourselves at conflicted points in your life, please take time to listen to yourself and make a decision that is right for you. That may seem obvious, but up until today I didn't realize that. 

This is ultra super oober corny but on my 18th birthday my dad made me a card with the best life advice i've ever read that I will treasure forever. Make what you want of this, Call it my christmas gift to you.

Love yourself.

Make peace with who you are.

At this moment in time.

Listen to your heart.

If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world

Make time for yourself.

Enjoy your own company.

Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.

Take Chances.

Make mistakes.

Life can be messy and confusing at times, but it's also full of

Surprises.

The next rock in your path might be a stepping stone.

Be Happy.

When you don't have what you want, Make Do.

That's a well kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.

You have to make your own way.

To know where you're going is only part of it.

You need to know where you've been too.

And if you ever get lost,

Don't worry.

The people who love you will

Find you.

Count on it.

Life isn't in years.

It's what you do with time.

And do it with all the goodness and grace inside you.

Make a Beautiful Life...

The Life you Deserve.

So that's all I got for now.  That's where I'm at. I've always been a stumbler. I have an insatiable curiosity and voracious appetite to test myself and this has led to a constant state of that feeling when you've just tripped and know you're going to hit the ground and there's nothing you can do about it, and you accept it. I don't see that as bad though, I enjoy it actually.  But I think it's time that I stand still for a second.

Stand still with me.

if i could have one sounds for the rest of my life it would be them.

xx

CS