Elephant Gun

To me this is present and past. Now and Then. Today Tomorrow. I call both home. Some say that's a Freudian Slip. I'm not really sure yet what it means.

One of these places warms my heart and the other excites my cells.

I don't know which I prefer.

To you there may be no competition, you've got your mind made up, badgoodbad, 

I on the other am stretch armstrong. which one of you can pull harder.

At the end of the day I know though, with special thanks to the kind and wise words of a dear, instant, and forever friend Scott Bunner, there should be no pulling.  There can only be the gentle nudging of the intuition of my mind that for once thinks of no one else and does what is right for me.

There is no selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself.

There are friends and families and classes and houses and roommates. A life had and a life forming in front of my eyes.

I leave New York tomorrow to slip back down to the sleepy south and let mama jackie and papa rj calm my racing heart and speeding thoughts to find clarity.

I will return to the city on wednesday. Either alone. In which case that means I am staying. Or with mama. In which case I am packing up shop and turning out the lights.

No matter what, some will be disappointed, and some will be elated.

But in the end, I am young, so young.

and have come too far to throw it all away on a hazy dream, or cheap drugs, or whipping cars, or tall trees.

I guess my point is that I apologize to those of you who do not understand, or will be angered by whichever decision I make. And to those of you who are finding yourselves at conflicted points in your life, please take time to listen to yourself and make a decision that is right for you. That may seem obvious, but up until today I didn't realize that. 

This is ultra super oober corny but on my 18th birthday my dad made me a card with the best life advice i've ever read that I will treasure forever. Make what you want of this, Call it my christmas gift to you.

Love yourself.

Make peace with who you are.

At this moment in time.

Listen to your heart.

If you can't hear what it's saying in this noisy world

Make time for yourself.

Enjoy your own company.

Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.

Take Chances.

Make mistakes.

Life can be messy and confusing at times, but it's also full of

Surprises.

The next rock in your path might be a stepping stone.

Be Happy.

When you don't have what you want, Make Do.

That's a well kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.

You have to make your own way.

To know where you're going is only part of it.

You need to know where you've been too.

And if you ever get lost,

Don't worry.

The people who love you will

Find you.

Count on it.

Life isn't in years.

It's what you do with time.

And do it with all the goodness and grace inside you.

Make a Beautiful Life...

The Life you Deserve.

So that's all I got for now.  That's where I'm at. I've always been a stumbler. I have an insatiable curiosity and voracious appetite to test myself and this has led to a constant state of that feeling when you've just tripped and know you're going to hit the ground and there's nothing you can do about it, and you accept it. I don't see that as bad though, I enjoy it actually.  But I think it's time that I stand still for a second.

Stand still with me.

if i could have one sounds for the rest of my life it would be them.

xx

CS