I Take Pictures of Words so I can Write Words That Sound Like Pictures

No Lie. This has been a crazy year.

Too Crazy.

So much has happened, but I'm pretty sure I'm in the exact same place I was one year ago.

It felt like this

But an amazing thing has happened and the second part of that isn't true anymore.

I know what I am searching for, now.

In a nutshell,

I'm just very excited for 2010.

I'm willing to put mad money down that it's going to be a damn good year.

Just the number typed out looks easy going and put together.

I'm so enjoying being home in lazy lovin' tennessee.

It feels like this

So far it's been a lotof giving our whole beings to staying out all night.

But it's worth it, being around beautiful people, my friends and family.

And just being.

Anything I Want To Be.

It's so nice to come home to everyone who's been so important for so long.

And Everything and Nothing has changed at the same time.

It feels like this

We can still do what we used to

But we've learned how to say

Anyways...

I saw this today and it made me think of New York and my roommate and west 10th.

in a good way. if that's possible.

maybe because i realized something. maybe because i finally laughed about it.

So,

because,

That's all I have to say for you for now

But here's some music.

My friend played this band for me today as we drove through Nashville and it made me happy.

And this video is what it looks like to be from the south.

xx

CMS

Finding Each Other Was The Door Prize For Being Insane

I'm not sure what day it is. What time it is.

I feel like the dust that is permanently crushed into the porcelain of your mortar and pestle.

Amphetamine,

Caffeine,

Pseudoephedrine,

Benzodiazepine.

If you turned me inside out right now this is what you would find.

So I guess I should be more clear? I haven't slept in days.

And as if finals couldn't be taxing enough,

yep, you guessed it! I allowed myself to deliberate for the millionth time

should i stay or should i go now?

staying meaning new york, going meaning nashville, now meaning next semester.

It looked kind of like this.

I had to stop chasing my tail though to write a 20 page paper.

Which looked like this.

Finals definitely stressed me and mariel to the max!

She did her hair to calm her nerves.

while I timidly peaked into the sunrise to make sure I hadn't officially become a vampire

and after making all of the arrangements to saunter south for a reprieve from this city life,

(even teasing hopeful homeless 20 somethings

with the prospect of subletting my half of west 10th)

We sat on the hard wood floor together and entirely redesigned the layout of our apartment,

obligating Papa RJ to be our homosexual interior decorator meets metrosexual handyman

(he does not know this part yet)

I changed my mind about moving and Mariel and I crashed.

Harder than we've ever crashed before.

It looked like this.

Of course the silence of sleep didn't let us stay l o n g.

And we awoke like frustrated kittens caught in the ball of yarn that is our lives.

But after 2pm tomorrow I will be

free

And I will fly south for the winter.

To see all of my favorite funny bunnies back in nashtasty.

And turn my head towards peace for a little while.

xx

CMS

Now You've Got A Brighter Smile, and I Think I'm Going To Like It

So I left out in my last post any sort of synopsis of my week at home

let's just say it was irrefutably turbulent

I had a bit of a

Jack Kerouac

moment.

I decided I needed to run away to California to find my soul.

Apparently I've read

On The Road

too many times,

but I don't think that's possible.

Anyways, after a total manhunt, a few hundred miles and one missed flight back to NYC later

I came to my senses and returned home to two very angry parents

(rightfully so)

who helped me get myself together and get on the next flight back up north.

What can I say,

every now and then a girl's gotta test out her own independence and keep that sense of adventure alive.

Long story short, Papa RJ came up this past weekend to make sure I wasn't planning my next big escape.

And we had a whole lotta good ole Great Gatsby fun.

Friday night we went to the best live jazz bar i've ever been to called Garage.

I fell for a few musicians, Matthew and I did the Charleston and it was grand.

We all felt like little flapper girls inside.

except for maybe Coco, my love, bestie and cynical touch stone

Saturday night we went to see Chicago!

One of my favorite musicals,

but leave it to Ashlee Simpson-Wentz's acid reflux and unquestionable lack of any kind of talent

to, well let's not say ruin it, but make it a bit of a joke.

The rest of the cast however, was spectacular, and let's just leave it at that.

But enough of my own cynicism,

Here's some real talent.

I've listened to this song on repeat all day.

It kind of describes right now.

The Big City is finally about the temperature it should be for this time of year,

a.k.a. "burn your face off cold"

which i don't necessarily mind, stepping out into the chill from the stale indoors is refreshing

But i appreciate exhibitionism and nudity is out of the question right now.

So I will leave you will a small homage to taking your clothes off.

And lastly Here is a beautiful piece just finished by one of my best friends

Roxanna Shohadaee

a shining soul and inspiring talent

(if you couldn't tell it's me and ryan)

It excites me too that all of my friends are turning into such ecstatic souls

bursting at the seems with electricity.

now i'm off to hit the books.

and maybe howl at the moon later

xx

CMS

You See Me When Daylight Opens Up Your Eyes

So I know it's been far too long since we last spoke

and after a few sedatives, my soft thoughts and lazy limbs aren't quite up to par to give you the quality post you deserve.

but please bare with me

The times have been chaotic recently. This semester has been a lackluster succubus of my time and energy.

Fading me out

towards an invisible spinning goal

that won't stop so i can get on.

I've done a lot of sitting, waiting and wishing.

And now i am staring down the barrel of finals.

But once these few papers and projects have been written, re-written and proof read

the stress will be gone, and I will be on my way back down to nashy

to unwind and slow down time

And I shall return to New York City in 2010 (oh my god!)

refreshed and alive and ready to pursue a new goal of film making and screen writing.

I think the city opens up when you have a reawakening of purpose and passion,

and i'm very excited for that.

I'm learning everyday how to not let go of the past, but to stop looking back at it all of the time.

I have to face forward and know that we'll all find each other again, but only after we find ourselves.

The people we are and were meant to be

Post the destruction and wreckage of high school.
And if you lose me, I am only ever a phone call away.

I'll believe in you if you believe in me.

Enough about my puzzle piece life
here are some sights and sounds so that our minds can all escape together

This song basically explains what New York means

to me.

And I think that this is beautiful.

Created by Le Corbusier for the 1958 Bruscelles World Exhibition

I will not make a pavilion for you but an Electronic Poem and a vessel containing the poem; light, color image, rhythm and sound joined together in an organic synthesis

if that's not art i don't know what is.

thanks for stopping by y'all

but this gal's sleepy

exciting pictures of papa rj's visit this past weekend, and hopefully an indians-take-over-the-pilgrims-inspired photoshoot from Thanksgiving are coming soon however so stay tuned

xx

CMS

We Almost Forgot Every Building is a Shop, Every Person is A Shopper

We're All Selling Ourselves Now. Constantly. Every Person Is Their Own Brand.

As the digital age stretches beyond dawn to dusk, and has become a 24/7 world of sharing information, i'm not going to lie, it is not hard to become quite overwhelmed.

it's an addiction of poking at a keyboard and staring at the white light of a computer screen,

and as we all slowly develop carpal tunnel and cataracts,

we are plagued by the constant irk that we are missing something,

we can't absorb fast enough,

we can't retain quite enough.

As I try and keep up, and I shall not lie yet again, I do not do half the job that some people do at staying updated, I constantly fight off my

obsession with old fashioned

I love trains, letters, teapots, newspapers, vintage anything, typewriters, record players, and so much more.

But it's time to give in. I'm fizzling out of antiquity and into the 21st century

and ChloëKillwell is branching out ya'll!

Very Pleased to have virtually met an internet inspiration, a Ms. Bacall Michaels

and she has invited me to be a partner of

Defying Mainstrem

A blog, turning e-zine, "where Mainstream is challenged and Indie thrives."

The project is currently under construction that sounds like it is going to yield one kick ass collaboration.

So stay tuned clicksters, go have a look and give us your feedback!

follow us on twitter and join us on facebook if you like as well

Other than that I am not at liberty to say much else at this point, seeing as this is Bacall's beautiful brainchild, but I am very excited she's taking me along for the ride.

As for this site however, don't worry, ChloëKillwell is staying simple and keeping it to the venting, images, art and angst that you're used to.

Anyways... life feels like a combination of these three images right now.

Make of it what you will.

Tonight has come with a burst of inspiration, for which I am very thankful for.

Instead of writing my paper on the poeticism of war (which i don't find poetic in any way)

or writing my essay on community based sustainable planning initiatives,

I declared my major at the New School as a Non-Fiction writer and Screen Studier

I dig.

And I continued the mess that has become me writing and gluing newspaper articles upon my walls, made a block print, a cartoonish birthday card, and finally almost finished an oil painting that's been staring at me for far too long.

////////////

comme ça:

(sorry for the terrible image quality. My Rebel is currently missing charger)

and now to begin Soyinka. I'll let you know how it goes

Until next time... Stay Magical.

xx

CMS

p.s. bumped up and extended trip home, now I will see all the NashvILLists on Saturday and we can raise a ruckus and love one another for 7 crazy nights.

kissing questions and hitting the wind

I'm trying to embrace

But I'm a little bit more well versed in, well other things

and when it's this chilly outside chillin and hangin look more like this

I'm mad vibin' cause i get to go home to nashville for thanksgiving.

I'm in desperate need as usual of some Southern Comfort.

This is what home feels like sometimes

and Mariel and I decided that this picture is pretty much Nashville Chloë in a box.

And New York Chloë looks like this

But announce announce! I am back on the fence about moving back to Nashville

I can't explain why. Call it indecisive. Call it exploration. Call it annoying that I can't make up my mind.

I did sign up for classes next semester.

And the half of me that plans on staying is excited to be exploring playwriting, creative non-fiction and screen studies next semester. And to brush up a little on the française.

So that's a quick update. I need to get in the shower before my friends show up at my place and kill me as usual for being wet and in a robe, instead of being made up and in the usual nyc uniform of everything black and most things ripped.

will be back @ya later with some more recent photographs of life and some good textures to look at.

Until then, go read some Romantic poetry and play with charcoal. It's what I do when I'm bored.

xx

CMS