Long Time Gone

So I'm back in

and i'm really sorry i took the summer off from blogging,

but everything was starting to look like this

and i was starting to wake up every day feeling like Joan Didion after one too many dexedrine

or Zelda Fitzgerald after one too many glasses of bathtub gin

and summer was weird,

really weird,

like i won't bore you with it weird.

I'm just happy my world looks like this again,

in Greenwich Village

Where I should be.

Where everyone I aspire to be walked at one point.

Where they will say I walked one day.

So for the next nine months of my senior year of college

(which i can't believe happened, on time, and with all my limbs and a lot more ex-boyfriends than when i started)

be expecting what you used to expect,

because i'm back on that road to something great.

the road where i drive this car.

date this man.

bear this child.

and live in this loft apartment.

until then i've got these things to do.

and these to keep having.

MISSED Y'ALL.

xx

CMS

The World Is Dusty Today

These are things that seem long gone.

These are things that are very much present.

xx

CMS

You've Always Been Fine, Honey

Happy Holidaze Kiddies

Just something cool to look at and something pretty to listen to.

Come Over When You're Head's Above Water

Sorry y'all I know it's been a while

But it's been because...

Well, You know those months when you just can't pin down a feeling

not for more than just a second, and then it goes away just as fast as your next cup of coffee

well, that's what this one's been like

Well, Maybe it's because

and i've spent this semester packing, and unpacking and packing again

being surrounded by things that seem to mean more than they're worth

just because i was close to someone or something or one of those feelings i want to pin down

when i had it on

and I try to put them all back on in the same order to get it right again.

and for one of the first times

going home didn't set everything straight.

It didn't leave me feeling like this

it sent me back to new york feeling more like this

and i come home to my cluttered corner apartment every night

and get undressed trying to feel this again

trying to shake whatever i rubbed up against in that crowded subway car on the F train

or that tight sidewalk when we were all trying to get somewhere else

whatever i touched that stuck

and then i'm naked and i'm just spent

But it made me realize that a place can't always save you.

And a place won't always let you down.

And i realize this every night as I fall asleep next to a window that I can't see out of

Underneath Christmas lights that I never turn off because I'm afraid I might feel different in the dark.

And then i smoke a cigarette that only makes me cough.

And then I fall asleep and wake up feeling no more refreshed

because I spent too much time dreaming

and all day those dreams feel real and come back in waves

and they seem like more fun than whatever I'm doing

and then as the day goes on they seem like nightmares that won't let me go,

like memories that you can't stop living in.

And then I fall asleep and do it all over again.

I guess I'm just trying to say

whatever.

Until next time.

xx

CMS